Stressful Life Events ...great insight !!!

By Stephanie Nicole Staidle

Stressful life events happen to all of us. And when stuff happens, there are two common human responses:

1) React (aka freak out, go into control mode, hole up, run away, cry, call your therapist, etc).

2) Internalize (i.e. lose confidence, make statements like 'why me', feel less sexy, consider yourself a loser)

Any of these sound familiar?

Well, first, you aren't alone if this happens to you. However, here are some questions to consider:

Do you feel empowered?

How does this affect your relationships?

How does this affect other areas of your life?

Come closer. Listen as I whisper in your ear a whopping life saver:

YOU ARE NOT AT THE MERCY OF YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES.

If you say you are, you are playing the victim card. And the victim card is not powerful, freeing, or enjoyable for you or the people in your life who hear your sob story over and over. If I am the first person telling you this, it is because the people in your life love you too much and are too scared to be honest with you.

When a crisis arises, you have COMPLETE control over how you react and how you internalize the events. You can re-frame the situation to empower you and have freedom around your problems, so it doesn't affect other areas of your life.

What happens TO YOU does not define who YOU ARE. Something happened and then you made a story up about it (i.e. 'I suck', 'I can't do this', 'this means x').

Your story is negative and it, in turn, makes you feel bad about yourself.

You can still behave and think positively despite negative circumstances. You can also prevent stressful life events from negatively affecting other areas of your life.

Here are 5 tips on how to do this:

1. Change your story. x (what happened) + y (your interpretation) = z (how you react and internalize). Here's an example: You lose your job. Your story could be: "I suck, I'm not smart enough, and obviously wasn't wanted enough to be kept in the business". OR it could be: "Wow, not what I expected however this company is missing out on not having me. What lessons can I learn from this? This is a blessing in disguise because I really want to be writer and I can pursue that instead."

2. Speak easy. Often we are not responsible for what comes out of our mouth. Your story (see #1 -it is important) is usually what you verbalize to others and not only do you want to change the interpretation, you want to regard how you communicate events to other people. Is it whiny or powerful? Are you talking all over the map or with clear focus? Are you Debby-downer or optimistic? People will respond accordingly and in speaking from a more positive frame of mind, the power and freedom around your circumstances will be reinforced.

3. Ditch the blame game. When a 'crisis' happens to you it does not give you the excuse to slack off. The 'crisis' is not the reason you are tired or stressed. You are the reason. Be responsible for how you react to stressful life events. If you are tired, get more sleep and eat better. If you are overwhelmed, take a walk, do meditative exercises, etc. You ultimately control how your circumstances affect you.

4. Control collateral damage. Don't let your problems affect other people in your life. Undesirable circumstances do not give you permission to yell at your spouse, be a crappy friend who flakes, or a checked-out parent. You can communicate what is going on and request some space to deal with your troubles and you can request support, just don't leave your loved ones in the dark and bewildered by your change in behavior.

5. Action: Fake it 'til you make it. I'm not going to pretend that the four steps above are easy. Sometimes you need to muster energy and feelings from nothing. You may need to 'drag' yourself to go for a run, join your family for a movie, or be romantic. However, studies show that your brain will catch up with your actions (just Google it). If you act romantic and happy, you will begin to feel that way. Imagine that? You don't have to wait to feel that way before acting accordingly (otherwise you may be waiting a while).

Follow these steps and you'll be awesome in the face of crisis. When you take responsibility for your life, you will have more power and freedom. Girl scout's promise.

*My therapist disclaimer: If you truly feel you don't have control over your feelings, are at risk of harming yourself or others and/or suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, depression, or violent outbursts, do book an appointment with a licensed psychotherapist. You do not have to suffer alone- there are many resources to help you with these imbalances.*

Stephanie Staidle is a personal and business development coach and an online entrepreneur. As a founder of Cloud Renaissance (http://www.cloudrenaissance.com) her mission is to empower people to stop settling, live a life of their choosing, and be their own boss. Stephanie Staidle's exclusive entrepreneur training group, CLOUD ELITE, creates kick-a$$ world changing entrepreneurs from the inside out through cutting-edge business education and success coaching.

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I'm So Stressed Out...a must read !

By Dia Thabet 

I'm so stressed out what do I do? How can I reduce my stress?

Amanda mentions that every morning she has a headache when she gets up. She goes on to mention that if something doesn't go her way, she becomes upset and stressed out, so she is wondering how she can tackle this issue.

Millions of people can identify with Amanda and share similar issues in regards to stress and anxiety in daily lives. However, when stress starts to affect our relationships, job, and health, then we need to start taking serious steps to reduce stress in our lives.

I'm so stressed out, what do I do

If your goal is to learn how to reduce stress in your life and stop being so stressed out, then follow the guideline below which I personally find very helpful:

1. Exercise daily

I personally wake up at 5 o'clock every morning to exercise including the weekend. I do stretching, aerobics, and alignment exercises, then I go do whatever I want. I find it when my body is relaxed, I become more productive and I get more done.

2. Talk about your emotions

When you feel stressed out and feel that there is something annoying you, talk about it with someone who is close to you like your partner or family member. Expressing your emotions helps reduce anxiety and in many cases, you will discover various methods of how to deal with stress.

3. Meditate

Take some time alone daily and clear your head from all the negative thoughts. Research shows that more than 80% of our daily thoughts are negative, so if you don't want to get affected by your negative thoughts, then it would be very helpful to take some time daily to calm your mind.

During your meditation, you are free to start visualizing things that you love and that bring joy to you. For example, I like to visualize that I have accomplished my goals and vision in life as when I take the time to fully visualize my dreams coming true, joy fills my heart and soul.

I also have a ritual where I meditate on the blessings that I have in my life. When I start focusing on the blessings that I have, serenity and inner peace fill my heart and stress gets reduced dramatically. Try it, this is what happens when you change your perspective and your focus.

4. Learn optimism

Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Does pessimism and realism hold you back from achieving your goals and what you desire in life?

There was a study done on learned optimism by Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania that showed when you are optimistic and expect the best out of the situations, stress, anxiety, and depression get reduced dramatically.

There is no reason to stay pessimistic when you have the choice to be optimistic as for the most part, pessimism will affect your health, relationships, and life in a negative way.

Of course there are more steps to help you stop saying, "I'm so stressed out" that I will discuss in a future post, but for now, if you follow these four steps, you will be on your way to reducing anxiety dramatically in your life.

Dia Thabet http://www.2achieveyourgoals.com

Do you know that only 3% of the world's population manage to plan and reach their goals? The main goal for 2achieveyourgoals.com is to help you become from the top 3% of the world's population who know how to achieve any goal they desire in all areas of life. If you have a specific goal that you want to accomplish or want to improve an area of your life, but do not know how or why you are not getting any result, then this is the place for you.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dia_Thabet

The Dangerous Side of Ignorance

By Tim O'Brien

I'm back! It wasn't 6 months of rest and relaxation. It was 6 months of research and reading. And my conclusion from all that book worming and net surfing? To quote Pogo, "I have met the enemy and he is us!"

The biggest challenge we face when developing a functional stress management or life management program is our own ignorance.

Ignorance comes in several forms. Thankfully, so does information. Libraries, teachers,friends, magazines, newspapers, computer software, the Internet, our choices expand every day.

So why is ignorance such a problem when we have all these resources? Too full a life, lethargy, resistance to learning, fear and not knowing where to start, can keep us from living a fuller life. Let's look at each of these and how to overcome them.

1) Too full a life: cell phones, FAX machines, call waiting, video conferencing,family duties, children's practice schedules, grocery shopping, the list can goon without end. We over stimulate ourselves. We have too many options. And often, all these options become a full but not richer life.

The ignorance cure for this is to learn all you can about effective time management. Then, with pen and pad, list your priorities. Set goals to realize those priorities. And, manage your time in a way to give you more control over your life. Yes, it takes self discipline. And, you will have to drop some of your current activities. However, the time you save will be your own. The new calmness you experience will be a welcome relief from the chaos.

2)Lethargy occurs when we feel out of energy and unmotivated. After a long day at the office, or with screaming children, we can feel drained. Doing work we don't like and can't see any future in can cause lethargy

The ignorance cure for lethargy is to make sure you're eating a good balanced diet.Lack of energy can be the result of a lack of nutritional fuel. Learn about good nutrition. If lethargy is habitual, check with your doctor to make sure there is not a physiological or psychological basis for it. Take an aptitude test if you feel you're in the wrong line of work. Find out what your talents are and try to align your work with them. Avoid alcohol when you feel lethargic. It will only add to the feeling and make it less likely that you will get anything productive done after you drank the alcohol.

3) Resistance to learning and fear often go together. We're not sure that if we try to learn something that we can. We don't like to ask questions because we think someone will laugh at us. We fear finding out the truth. We'd rather live with the unknown or the suspected rather than live with the reality of the situation. Tom Peter's "perception is reality," doesn't hold here.You can, not want to know that you have a disease. However, it would still be there.

The ignorance cure for resistance and fear is counseling if the situation is severe. It is knowledge and education in most cases. Facing our resistance and fear can be both simple and difficult. However, we often grow from overcoming them.

4)Not knowing where to start looking should not be very common any more. Ask a friend or associate that you feel has some information on the subject you want to know about. Call your local library and ask to speak with the research department and ask them for help. If you have a computer, get on the Internet and do "key word searches," on the World Wide Web. Look in an encyclopedia. Go to a book store.

We are all ignorant in certain fields. It is a worthy goal to fill in the gaps of our knowledge. Education dispels ignorance. When we target our health and happiness, the results can be a longer, more vital life.

Make yourself a post it note and put it on your mirror. "Learn something today,and be happy!"

More FREE articles at http://www.hyperstress.com that will help you improve your performance and regain control of your life. By Timothy J. O'Brien M.S. co-author of the Amazon Best Seller, "If You Have Employees, You Really Need This Book."

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tim_O'Brien

Now You Can Laugh Your Stress Away

by Christiana R Carter

Stress is the silent killer! It's an epidemic in the west. It's a symptom in the top 6 leading causes of death. In fact, over two-thirds of doctor's visits each year are due to stress-related illness. Stress takes a toll on us physically, mentally and emotionally.

CNN Health reported 8 out of 10 Americans are stressed out because of the economy. According to the survey by the American Psychological Association, "The declining state of the nation's economy is taking a physical and emotional toll on people nationwide, and it is women who are bearing the brunt of financial stress."

"We have a significant number of people reporting physical signs and symptoms of stress: muscle tension, headache, difficultly falling asleep," Nordal said. "People need to pay attention to the warning signs of stress."

Have you been feeling the warning signs of stress? Those signs are letting you know you aren't managing stress as well as you think. If you leave it unattended, it can lead to a significant illness. There is an answer: laughter. Laughter is medicine and benefits are numerous.

• Physical Health Benefits: Boosts immune system, lowers stress hormones, decreases pain, and improves circulation
• Mental Health Benefits: Improves mood, relieves stress, eases fear & anxiety
• Social Benefits: Laughter bonds a group of people, enhances teamwork, strengthens relationships and laughter is contagious it attracts people.

How do you incorporate laughter into your life? There are two kinds of laughter: solo and interactive. Whether you are around people or by yourself, you can increase your laughter. It depends upon your situation. Here are some suggestions for both:

• Solo: If you are by yourself you can watch comedies, either TV or movie, YouTube.com has many funny video clips, read funny books or comics (Dave Barry & Peter McManus are two of my favorites), and listen to audio recordings of comedians (Pandora.com has a comedy channel)·
• Interactive: Find laughter in the company of others: Go out to a comedy club, play with a pet, interact with children, hang out with someone who makes you laugh, go to the theater or attend a laughter yoga class. Another favorite is watch a funny movie with a friend and randomly quote it back to each other over the next few days.

Increasing your laughter is about developing a humor mindset and looking for the humor in your life. Whatever you choose to focus on expands. Take a look at your life and write down all the places you currently have laughter. Which friends make you laugh, activities, pets, TV shows or Movies? Then make a point to schedule some of those things or people into your calendar. Laughter is closer than you think!

Christiana Carter is a laughter specialist. In January 2002 a natural healer told Christiana that she didn't laugh enough and it was affecting her health. He prescribed laughter and since then she has transformed her life with it. Now her passion is helping others reclaim their lives with joy and laughter by showing you where it already exists and how to expand it exponentially.

For great tips, tools and videos visit her website http://benefitsoflaughter.com. Now you can laugh yourself healthy and joyful too!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Christiana_R_Carter

Finding Time to Breathe

Dr. Daisy Sutherland

Finding time to breathe can take a mere 5 minutes. How is that possible? When you make time to breathe you are not only inhaling oxygen that your body obviously needs to survive but you are also removing and releasing stress. We all know that stress is something that can ruin your day, month and entire year; but with simply 5 minutes per day you, yes you can curb those thoughts and learn to avoid them completely.

Finding time to breathe is something that needs to be part of your daily routine. Now, don't misunderstand this concept or think that its something that won't work for you. Making the time to take a deep cleansing breathe will absolutely help you to think clearer and release the negativity you are housing within you.

**Cleansing breath - inhale deeply through the nose and hold for a count of 10 then exhale slowly to a count of 10 and repeat.

This routine works hand in hand with managing your time. When you learn to manage your time, your stress level will be reduced because you will have more time to focus and will have more time to share with your family and friends.

Here are some ways to improve your time management:

Make a list for the day - use as a guide only

Schedule time for YOU - be sure to include on your list for the day, time for you, whether it's 15 minutes or
60 minutes, allowing yourself some down-time will refresh your mind

Keep a planner (whether paper or electronic) - many times we have more than our schedule to keep track of so instead of burning off brain cells trying to remember them all, write them down or plug into your electronic planner

Delegate, delegate, delegate - never think you have to do it yourself and this includes the work place and in the home

Don't over commit yourself - something that is easier said than done, but learning to say 'no' will allow you to say 'yes' to what truly matters

Making time to breathe will help you handle stress.

How do you handle stressful situations? Breathing helps but did you know that keeping a stress journal, also works? Keeping notes of stressful situations and your reactions to them, you will help you identify your reactions. When make note and identify your reactions to certain situations you will soon learn to control them and switch the reaction to positive ones. This entire process of writing, identifying and controlling your emotions will help enhance your entire well-being.

Learn to lean on your family and friends. When you are cared for, loved, and valued your entire mental and physical attitude is affected. Sounds strange but it works. Never think that you have to endure mental stressors alone, speaking about them and letting them out will enhance the healing process.

As you can tell finding time to breathe can take as little as 5 minutes. It actually takes a mere 5 minutes and sometimes less to assess a situation and determine if you will allow your mind take over and let the stress settle in. It takes only 5 minutes or less to control your thoughts, emotions and to make a choice. Ultimately the decision is yours, however we all know that no one likes to be stressed.

Finding time to breathe will melt away your stress, what will you choose?

Dr. Daisy Sutherland, aka Dr. Mommy is a doctor, mom, wife, author and speaker. Her love of helping others has branched to blog talk radio and syndicated radio shows.

Dr. Mommy's Mission: To help you find the balance necessary to achieve success in your life, your health and your family...To learn more visit: http://drmommyonline.com

Here's a FREE gift for you: http://drmommyonline.com/motivated

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If You Are Emotionally Intelligent You Should Be Optimistic, Happy, and Free of Stress

By Dr Jeff Bailey


The factors that comprise emotional intelligence include people's ability to adapt, to manage stress, to deal effectively with interpersonal relationships, to understand themselves, and finally, the theme of today's article, general mood. There are two sub-factors in general mood and they are optimism and happiness. These are two psychological states that are great indicators of the satisfaction that we experience when our life is meaningful and in order. Obviously, if you are optimistic and happy, it is extremely unlikely that you will experience significant levels of personal stress or work stress. Still, regardless of how well things are going in our life, we still have challenges and problems that can diminish our feelings of optimism and happiness. 

The guru of optimism is Dr. Martin Seligman, former president of the American Psychological Association, the author of Learned Optimism, and a prolific researcher and author. If you want more detail on Martin's positive psychology check out his website at the University of Pennsylvania. To improve mental health and well-being, Seligman promotes the notion of positive emotions, positive character, and positive institutions. The premise is that rather than focusing on the negative aspects of life, we should be building enabling systems and approaches to augment the happier and positive side of human experience. Through international comparisons, Seligman and colleagues identified five positive personality characteristics that exemplify the best human traits: kindness, fairness, authenticity, gratitude, and open-mindedness (for more details see his 2005 article in American Psychologist). 

When people focus on these positive characteristics they become socially responsible, kind, courageous, wise, fair, and optimistic. Being positive and optimistic is not only stress buffering but these personal styles provide a set of social-cognitive behaviors that promote good relationships and a happy and productive life. People who exemplify these positive attributes have lives that are full of zest, gratitude, hope, and love. Seligman suggests that these are strongly related to life satisfaction. 

In terms of happiness, Seligman promotes three notions: the pleasant life, the engaged life, and the meaningful life. Someone whose life is pleasant, engaged, and meaningful is likely to be 'happy' and happiness leads to better health, improved social relationships, and enhanced career success. Obviously, there is a mutual reciprocity between and among these personality characteristics and life circumstances. 

It all sounds simple but the major point is that we are responsible for our own optimism and happiness. If we take a positive, upbeat approach to managing our thoughts and our lives we will have a pleasant, engaged, and meaningful life. Obviously, people who are optimistic and happy manage stress well, have reduced levels of stress and anxiety, and have more fulfilling lives.

Dr Jeff, a psychologist, writes about workplace stress, personal stress, interpersonal stress, and how to manage stress. On his blog, http://www.drjeffbailey.com, he answers questions from readers. He works hard to make his articles practical and helpful and all of his articles are based on sound research evidence and extensive clinical experience. Please go to his Dr Jeff blog to get your free report on stress.

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