By Susan Leigh
There are times when we all feel inferior. Remember the horror of dropping the ball on school sports day, or coming out with a silly answer in class? The embarrassment of these experiences can stay with us and cause us to worry or fret about something similar happening again.
The truth is, those other people quickly forgot about our shame. They were probably far too concerned with catching the ball when it was their turn, or making the right answer to their own question.
Feeling inferior can to some extent motivate us to improve. It causes stress that can prompt us to address the reasons behind why we feel that way. Problems can start to occur if those feelings become a more resistant pattern and way of thinking.
Let's look at things that can help:
- Remind yourself of all your success, the driving test you passed, the swimming badge you achieved, the fact that you are a good cook, gardener, friend. Start to write down three successes everyday in a notebook. Put the date at the top of each page and compile a log of the times when someone says 'thank you', or 'that was great'. It can become all too easy to only notice the negatives and those times can be blown out of proportion; like the time when someone ignores us - they may be preoccupied; or doesn't return our call - they may be busy or have simply forgotten. A record of each day's successes provides something you can refer back to whenever you feel a little down.
- Believe in yourself. Remind yourself that you are intrinsically a good person, have a lot to offer and are unique and special. Everyone struggles at times with confidence and self belief. I am still amazed at the number of attractive, successful people I see for therapy who feel bad about themselves. Relax and know that you are not alone in your concerns.
- Believe in others. If someone has hired you, invited you along, then trust that they have done it because they want you. Trust that they have seen something in you that they value, appreciate, want to be more associated with. Remind yourself that they picked you.
- Identify things that you are good at, that you enjoy. We are often good at the things we enjoy and relish participating rather than just the end result. Feeling relaxed and confident can come easily at these times. Enjoying handicrafts, sport, amateur dramatics, can be fulfilling. Focus on making those interests more a part of your life.
- Make a friend. It can be daunting to try to join a group. Often members of a group are preoccupied with each other and too busy to notice someone new. So notice the quiet person who stands to one side. Suggest going for a coffee, or something relatively low-key. Find out what that person's interests are. It may be opportune to suggest a film or a lunch sometime. Enjoy slowly establishing an acquaintanceship that can gradually become a friendship.
- Watch others, copy good behaviour. Children learn by standing to the side and watching the dynamics in the playground. Pay attention to what works in other people's interactions. Learn from how you like to be treated, what makes you feel good and emulate that in your dealings with others.
- Get help. Counselling and hypnotherapy are a valuable commitment of your time that will help to improve your fears and lack of confidence. This type of help can provide positive solutions to those problem areas.
There are times when we all feel inferior. Remember the horror of dropping the ball on school sports day, or coming out with a silly answer in class? The embarrassment of these experiences can stay with us and cause us to worry or fret about something similar happening again.
The truth is, those other people quickly forgot about our shame. They were probably far too concerned with catching the ball when it was their turn, or making the right answer to their own question.
Feeling inferior can to some extent motivate us to improve. It causes stress that can prompt us to address the reasons behind why we feel that way. Problems can start to occur if those feelings become a more resistant pattern and way of thinking.
Let's look at things that can help:
- Remind yourself of all your success, the driving test you passed, the swimming badge you achieved, the fact that you are a good cook, gardener, friend. Start to write down three successes everyday in a notebook. Put the date at the top of each page and compile a log of the times when someone says 'thank you', or 'that was great'. It can become all too easy to only notice the negatives and those times can be blown out of proportion; like the time when someone ignores us - they may be preoccupied; or doesn't return our call - they may be busy or have simply forgotten. A record of each day's successes provides something you can refer back to whenever you feel a little down.
- Believe in yourself. Remind yourself that you are intrinsically a good person, have a lot to offer and are unique and special. Everyone struggles at times with confidence and self belief. I am still amazed at the number of attractive, successful people I see for therapy who feel bad about themselves. Relax and know that you are not alone in your concerns.
- Believe in others. If someone has hired you, invited you along, then trust that they have done it because they want you. Trust that they have seen something in you that they value, appreciate, want to be more associated with. Remind yourself that they picked you.
- Identify things that you are good at, that you enjoy. We are often good at the things we enjoy and relish participating rather than just the end result. Feeling relaxed and confident can come easily at these times. Enjoying handicrafts, sport, amateur dramatics, can be fulfilling. Focus on making those interests more a part of your life.
- Make a friend. It can be daunting to try to join a group. Often members of a group are preoccupied with each other and too busy to notice someone new. So notice the quiet person who stands to one side. Suggest going for a coffee, or something relatively low-key. Find out what that person's interests are. It may be opportune to suggest a film or a lunch sometime. Enjoy slowly establishing an acquaintanceship that can gradually become a friendship.
- Watch others, copy good behaviour. Children learn by standing to the side and watching the dynamics in the playground. Pay attention to what works in other people's interactions. Learn from how you like to be treated, what makes you feel good and emulate that in your dealings with others.
- Get help. Counselling and hypnotherapy are a valuable commitment of your time that will help to improve your fears and lack of confidence. This type of help can provide positive solutions to those problem areas.
Life experiences can sometimes cause our confidence to be shaken. This can result in us feeling that other people are better, more confident and successful than we are. Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with clients to help them heal their negative outlook, learn from their life experiences and become more positive and strengthened as a consequence.
There is help, advice and further articles available.
For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net
There is help, advice and further articles available.
For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net
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